Find Joy. Be Happy.
Did you know there is a difference between Joy and Happiness? This concept, let’s say, is something I’ve been focusing on for several months. I used to think that Happiness and Joy were synonymous, and in a way, they are, but I’ve come to learn that finding joy is the first step to being happy.
Several months ago, in September, a serious of events in a relatively short amount of time compounded my stress and anxiety to the point where I had what might be called a complete nervous system breakdown. I wrote the story HERE.
(spoiler alert: you may need tissues… it’s a bit intense)
Fortunately, I knew enough to recognize what was happening.
Fortunately, I already had people in my life who could help me get regulated.
Fortunately, I had someone ask me a question that would really give me pause and one the thing that has stuck with me since.
It was a simple question my acupuncturist asked,
“Why did you do that to yourself”?
Ultimately, it is our responsibility to take care of our physical, mental and emotional health despite the circumstances or situations happening around us. I allowed the chaos and overwhelm of the situations I was dealing with at the time to become too much and it had a very detrimental impact on my mental health.
I know its’ hard to manage chaos and overwhelm in the moment, as it’s happening. Especially, when prior trauma resurfaces at the same time that other experiences are happening – this is called “compounding trauma”.
But I can also tell you from experience that if you don’t take care of these things, the body has a way of taking a break and it always happens at the most inconvenient time.
(i.e. illness. pain, etc.). This is called “forced rest”
So, how do we prevent “forced rest”?
For me, it’s about being intentional to do things that bring me joy, every single day. I am intentionally aware of what is going on around me and take practical, intentional steps to keep my nervous system regulated every day.
Yes, every single day.
Because, every day, I am reminded of that question:
“Why did you do that to yourself?”
For me, joy leads to happiness and happiness is the key to a grounded nervous system.
For example, while I’m writing this post, I’m listening to the soundtrack to Rudy. (GO IRISH!).
Not only is the instrumental soundtrack beautiful music which brings me joy, (I LOVE Orchestral music) but it is one of my absolute favorite movies. Listening to the soundtrack puts me in a state of happiness.
Additionally, although I have zero experience in conducting an orchestra and zero musical talent, I love to “air conduct” like people play air guitar for movement breaks. I can’t explain it, but there’s something very calming about using my imaginary conductor’s wand and hitting those notes just at the right time.
Whatever brings me joy, right?
Why is happiness such an important part of nervous system regulation? Let’s focus on the “emotional well-being” part.
“Happiness, in psychology, a state of emotional well-being that a person experiences either in a narrow sense, when good things happen in a specific moment, or more broadly, as a positive evaluation of one’s life and accomplishments overall—that is, subjective well-being. (Britannica.com)
“Joy a feeling of great happiness” (Britannica.com)
Happiness is a “state” and Joy is a “feeling”.
Doing things that bring me the feeling of joy makes me happy.
What does “happiness” as a state of being mean?
Well, I found some synonyms from WordHippo.com
Here are some synonyms for “state of being”:
Nature: The inherent or essential qualities of something.
Condition: Refers to the current state or quality of something.
Existence: The fact or state of living or having objective reality.
Status: The relative social, professional, or other standing of someone or something.
Situation: A set of circumstances in which one finds oneself.
Nature makes me think of people – if you aren’t hanging around joyful people, go find joyful people. If you want to be happy, find happy people.
Condition makes me think of our living space: Is it a place that makes you feel full of joy, happy? What can you do to update it?
What about the condition of your work place?
Existence makes me think of life, in general. Are you happy to be ALIVE?! You are worthy of a life filled with joy and happiness.
Status makes me think of our place in society – maybe even our relationships. We all have circles of friends – our closest, innermost circle all the way out to bigger circles of people who are acquaintances. Mind your circle – you are allowed to edit which circle people stay in. Remember, people closest to you should be the cause of joy and happiness, not the reason for sadness and despair.
When was the last time you did something that brought you absolute, pure joy? If you don’t remember, it’s time to make a list and take the time to go find your joy –
Here’s mine:
Travel
Concerts
Broadway or Off-Broadway shows
I know these are great big things, but I have found the most happiness in the energy of thousands or people who are also full or joy and happiness. That energy is contagious!
I’ve learned over the years that the things that bring me the most joy are also the things that create a sense of awe and wonder. Maybe that’s the same for you? Maybe not – but it’s important to find those things that bring you Joy.
I know that travel, concerts and Broadway or Off-Broadway shows are expensive – I budget accordingly so I can attend as many as possible. When I can’t do one of these three things or plan them – because the planning gives me just as much joy! – then I find other things that create a sense of awe and wonder for me:
Sunrises and Sunsets
The Moon
Puppies
Gardening
Helping others
Sharing conversation with a friend
a GOOD coffee from a coffee shop
Ice cream from the ice cream truck
A chocolate covered caramel. (The ones from Aldi are my fav!)
There are other things that are therapeutic in a way, that do bring me joy but most importantly, help calm my nervous system. especially when I am feeling most anxious:
Cleaning/Organizing (i.e. putting what I can into order)
Walking outside (no earbuds, you need the sounds of nature)
Writing (sometimes, I write and delete.)
Yoga (going to a physical studio works best for me)
Breathing – like, intentional box-breathing exercises.
Taking a nap.
Music in my earbuds – when I’m feeling particularly “ramped up” I like the techno-mix of my favorite songs.
Of course, eating well and sleeping well play an important role in overall happiness too.
Mostly, though, I just choose to be happy. I choose Joy.
I choose optimism over pessimism.
I choose to be hopeful instead of cynical.
I choose to avoid negativity.
I choose to believe that even on the hard days, the next day will be better. As a person of faith, this phrase often comes to mind:
“A lot can happen in three days”
(Referring to the persecution, death and resurrection of Jesus)
That’s not to say that I’m happy 100% of the time.
I don’t think anyone can claim that.
However, for the times that I am not happy, I intentionally practice making things better –
I go find joy.
That’s why I have a list of a variety of things that make me happy. I can choose any one of those things on any given day, at any given time.
Do you have a list of things that bring you Joy?
If you don’t, just brainstorm a list
Listen, it’s OK to not be happy from time to time. That’s part of human nature. It’s NOT OK to stay stuck there.
Find Happy. BE Joy.
Posts are written with the goal to inspire, encourage and educate you.
Please consider opting in to a paid subscription to help support my goal of being a paid writer. THANKYOU!
Coffee helps my brain focus while I’m writing. If you liked what you read, I’d appreciate a tip to the coffee fund! Thank you!